I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
