You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
