I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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