What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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