i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
