I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
