I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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