I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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