I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
