Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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