I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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