my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
