Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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