its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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