I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
