i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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