your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
