Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the liver wants what the liver wants
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
