you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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