IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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