and i looked up. we had an audience...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
