At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
