Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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