I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
