I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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