i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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