I heard we made out
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
