I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
