Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
