Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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