scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
