I puked a lego.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
