literally had 100 drinks last night.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
