ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
