My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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