I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she peed on how many people?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
