just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
