Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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