He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
