Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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