like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
