they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
