Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
