stop calling my apartment porn island.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
