I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
