suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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