I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
