Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
