Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
