I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
