Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
