saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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