We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
