i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
