party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
